i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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