I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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