a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
