Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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