I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
