At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You can't motorboat a personality
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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