I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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