she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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