He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
