i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
