This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
