I accidentally burped into my bong.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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