Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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