Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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