that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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