at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
