So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
