I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
