I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
