im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
