u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
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OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
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I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.