Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.