And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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