somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
