the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
