I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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