So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
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I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
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You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.