My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
