I'm fucking your sister right now.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!