I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
