she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The beer is more important than you right now.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
