I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
