Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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