you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
