Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
