So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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