Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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