Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she pinky promised me she was 18
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
