Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
