so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
