Sry I called you an 8
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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