I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
