My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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