i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
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He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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