Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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