Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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