OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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