How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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