I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
