I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
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My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
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What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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