how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
