So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
