I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
