News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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