I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
