what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
