Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
