i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
