why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The feeling are messing with the penis
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
