Plan B is the new Plan A
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
