Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
