I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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