47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
