mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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