I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
