I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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